


Mess is Mine

by protectbucky



Series: Finnpoe Collection Based on Songs [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Finn loves him anyway, FinnPoe rights, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Poe Dameron, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Song Based, like really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectbucky/pseuds/protectbucky
Summary: Poe Dameron is a mess. Finn doesn't really mind.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: Finnpoe Collection Based on Songs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601398
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	Mess is Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on this account and I'm starting this series of FinnPoe one shots based on a playlist I made. If you want it, drop a comment, I'll send the Spotify link. But yeah. Hope you enjoy these. This one is inspired by Mess is Mine by Vance Joy.

Finn was never one to know a lot about relationships. Not in the technical sense, for that matter. Not like he’d never done stuff before: of course he had, stormtroopers weren’t saints, that for sure. But everything he’d ever had were rushed romances, in the dark, where no one important could see or hear.

And everyone was trying to be picture perfect, plain white helmets, only taken off when necessary, being just one in a crowd of alike and plain faces. So he thought nothing about emotional connection whenever the room of his bunk opened in the middle of the night and he took in someone who was longing for more. He didn’t even know their names. Only a number. Not like he had a name. He just let them come, sometimes stumbling on an open door himself. He didn’t know what he was doing most of the time, and he didn’t really care either. Those occasions were just a quick relief from the horror of his everyday life. Nothing more. Ever.

That was until he met Poe Dameron, of course. From the first moment he saw him, trapped under the weight of the First Order, he sensed something inside him, like a call, to go and free that man he doesn’t know at all. He had a feeling that this man is his only hope. His only chance for a better life. So for the first time in what felt like ages, he took off his helmet, and told that man that they’re going to get out of here.

Looking back, after everything they'd gone through, Finn couldn't hel but smile. That man gave him his name, a new life, a new hope, and honestly, finally fighting for what felt right was a brand new thing for him. He knew that he would follow Poe Dameron to the end of the galaxy, and even further. So when Poe put his hand on Finn’s shoulder and told him he needs him, without a second thought, Finn agreed to be his co-general. It was the right thing to do. The best way to help Poe.

Now even though it seemed they won the war, they still had so much to do. The Resistance didn’t really have much left to resist against, but the occasional uprisings of the remaining First Order sympathizers gave them quite the work. Also, they had to do their best to maintain peace and build a new democracy in an entire galaxy. It was a lot.

And Finn knew Poe was broken. And tired. And he missed Leia. And felt completely lost at this general-job without her. And Finn also knew Poe was angry. Angry at everyone he loved for dying, meanwhile blaming himself for not being good enough, not being able to save them. So Poe Dameron was a mess, really. A hot mess. And Finn knew that Poe was trying to hide his pain from him.

It didn’t really work though, not that now they were sharing quarters. It was Finn’s idea, since he sensed that Poe was going to be too afraid to suggest it. But Finn knew that this was what they needed the most. He’s had enough of them knocking on each other’s door many times after having a nightmare, silently pleading for the other to be awake. The knocks were always answered. The nightmares were always chased away with booze and then a little bit of sleeping in the same bed, which they were too embarrassed to admit the next day, so they just shrugged it off and went on with their lives. Finn had enough of that. And he felt like Poe had too.

So now that they were generals, they shared a bedroom and a little kitchen and shower. And it was just always so domestic, even though their bedroom had two separate beds. Finn would fall asleep to the sound of Poe’s breathing every night, and all those nights he would imagine the two of them sleeping closer, arms entangled, breathing in each other's air. But they barely had time to talk in the daylight, and they collapsed into their beds each night, quickly discussed their days and fell asleep. Finn missed the times when they talked every day for hours, uninterrupted, even though the war was looming over their heads. Sometimes Finn wondered if he missed the war.

Poe talked in his sleep. Finn woke up to that most of the time, not because he particularly heard it, but because he sensed something was wrong. Someone he loved wasn’t safe. So all those times, he gently slid under Poe’s covers and held his hand against his own beating heart. This calmed Poe in his sleep instantly: his breathing became more even and he scooted over in his sleep to make space for Finn.

Finn hoped each morning that when he woke up, they would be in the same position, holding each other, but Poe alway slipped away, found a reason to work on his X-Wing or BB-8 before the morning briefing, so Finn woke up alone, as always, made himself a cup of coffee and headed off to join Poe.

This day was different however. Finn could feel that something was bothering Poe, something he always shrugged off and pretended that everything was fine, in a classic Poe Dameron move, and Finn was unsure of what to do each time, so he just offered Poe his company, hoping it would be enough.

But Poe was even more of a mess today then usual. After the briefing everyone went to grab their lunch like they usually did, but this time even before Finn could glance, Poe was out of sight. Finn and Poe both agreed with Rose to do some tactical briefing that afternoon, but Poe didn’t show up. Finn was becoming increasingly worried.

“Do you think he’s gotten enough? Of this entire thing, I mean. He’s always tired and I try to be there for him, but he shows up to all the meetings, no matter what.” Finn asked Rose, getting more and more concerned about Poe’s whereabouts.

“I’m pretty sure he just needs some time to clean his head. It’s been like, what, six months since the battle? And he’s been going non-stop. Never took a break. He kinda deserves it, don’t you think?” But Rose’s words got lost somewhere halfway through Finn’s head. Six months. Since the battle. Of course.

“Do you mind if I take a break, too?” He asked Rose, and she shook her head disapproving, but smiled under her frustration.

“Go, find him. I think the universe needs you to take care of him more than it needs all this paperwork right now.” 

Finn could already smell it as he stepped into their shared quarters. The smell of booze. He wasn’t the man to drink in daylight, but Poe had alcohol lying around in their space, and when he got extremely frustrated or lonely, he would gulp down a bottle or two. And now there he was, sprawled out on their couch, a drink in his hand, staring at the ceiling. Finn almost got mad for a second before remembering what he was here for. He stepped closer to the couch.

“Finn! Buddy! Don’t you need.. ugh… someone else to be?” Poe asked in a drunken slur, barely able to look at Finn. Finn could see the shame in Poe’s eyes.

“Nothing in particular, just a meeting you missed and I went looking for you.” He said as he sat down in the remaining space on the couch, just above Poe’s head. “So how are you doing today, buddy?”

Poe let out a grunt and slowly tried to lift his head to look into Finn’s eyes.

“Sorry I made a mess in here. Not fully used to not being alone.” He said, sitting up.

“It’s okay” Finn answered. ‘You’re having a hard day, everyone can tell." He paused. "You miss her a lot, right?”

Poe just stared for a few seconds. He wasn’t really used to people caring about his emotions. And actually taking the time to get to know them.  
“I’m fine. Ion’t miss no one.” Poe said. Finn knew this wasn’t true, but he didn’t press.

“I was worried about you, you know” he said instead. “Worried you might have hurt yourself. I don’t know what I would do if you did.”

Poe stayed silent again for a minute. Then another one. Finn thought he’d fallen asleep right there, sitting on the couch. Until he moved a little, scooting closer to Finn.

“Can we…” Poe whispered. “Can we get in bed? Like we always do?”

“Sure thing, buddy.” Finn smiled and got up, expected Poe to do the same.

“I’m not sure if I can walk” Poe pouted. “Can you carry me?” Finn’s heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah, I think I can” he replied.

“You think?” Poe said drunkenly. “I’ve seen your muscles. I’m sure you can lift my old bones.”

Finn laughed. “You’re only old if you describe yourself as such” he replied.

Poe just kept pouting, and Finn couldn’t help but think about the fact that this man is actually older than him, that Poe was well into his teenage years when Finn was even born, when he was taken from his family. And that Poe had Leia as a family for so long, but now he must have felt lonely. And Finn thought about how Poe was the entire galaxy to him, like Poe made the suns set in the evening sky, like he was gravity, which pulled Finn up and down, and how Poe was safe and warm, feeling like home, a word he had never used before, but he was pretty sure that if there was a home for him in this galaxy, it was Poe Dameron.

His thoughts racing in his brain, he slipped one hand under Poe’s legs and one under his arms, and carried him into their shared room. He felt Poe smile against him as he kept walking and put the pilot down on his bed. Poe looked up at him with an easy smile, and all Finn knew right at that moment is that he wanted Poe to look at him like that, always and forever. For the rest of their lives, no matter how long that was going to be.

So he smiled back as Poe lifted the covers, and slid between them so that his and Poe’s body were sharing their warmth, pressing against each other. Poe was facing him, and Finn was breathless, because most nights it was him cuddling up against Poe’s back when the pilot was having a nightmare. But now Poe’s face was close, inches away from Finn’s, and Finn wondered if he’d always found it this hard to breathe.

“You’re beautiful” Poe whispered, and it sent shivers down Finn’s spine. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Finn didn’t really know what to say. The position they were in reminded him of all those graceless nights at the First Order, of each time he was looked at but not seen, and how Poe immediately saw all of him when he took his helmet off.

He didn’t say anything, he just kept staring at Poe with awe, the man who saved him, gave him a name, took him in, made him co-general… In the past months, he was getting more and more positive about the feelings he had for Poe, and he had even talked about them with Rey, but nothing could ever dare him to make a move, because what if Poe didn’t feel the same way, what if he misread their entire relationship…

But he didn’t have time to finish that train of thought, because before he noticed, Poe slid a gentle hand on his wrists and pulled him in close. The kiss was soft, honest, the first kiss when Finn didn’t feel like he was only doing this whole thing out of loneliness, out of running, getting away from it all. The kiss felt earnest, one that had been hanging in the air for years. He had never felt like this before. He had never been kissed like this before. Loved like this before. He felt like he could go on like this forever.

Then Poe pulled away suddenly. “Oh, shit, Finn, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have come at you like that…” he struggled. “I’m not.. I’m not prepared, I shouldn’t have led you on, I’m sorry and I understand if you never want to speak to me again, I mean I’m so stupid and so broken and I’m not even worth being a general..” Poe mumbled in panic, sounding a little drunk, the heavy weight of the past few months finally getting off of him.

Finn just ran his hands through Poe’s hair as the pilot talked, unsure of what to say, but deciding that it’s best to let Poe get it all out before answering.  
After Poe’s apologies turned into sobs, Finn dared to finally wipe away the tears and pull Poe closer to his chest. He ran his fingers down Poe’s back and felt the pilot sigh in relief, even though Poe was still crying into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry” he kept repeating. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this, Finn, I’m such a mess.”

Finn looked at the sobbing mess in his arms and thought well, it’s now or never. He gently put his fingers under Poe’s chin, lifting up the other man’s face until they made eye contact again.

“It’s okay” Finn whispered. “It’s okay. Your mess is mine. You’re not alone” he said as he leaned in, pulling his beloved pilot up gently until their lips collided again.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted these to be short but they probably won't be?? Stay tuned for more


End file.
